Sweet, Fan Mail

I've been answering questions for only two days, and yet I received some fan mail last night. This only goes to show that I am the greatest being ever to walk the face of the earth. But enough dilly-dallying, and on with the question.

hi im nikki valentine
u are such a sexaayy beast, im fucking horny for you. i want you. you're spinning picture really turns me on. oh please do me.
and my question
how can i get with you?

Oh, did I mention that this girl is a swimsuit model? Yeah, thats right, Nettis gets all of the ladies.
Your feelings of extreme horniness are extremely common, whenever women view a picture of my face or hear my voice, it causes such conditions. In fact, just the other day I caused a room full of women to start scissoring each other just by coughing. As much as I would love to give you a beef injection, I have a very tight schedule to adhere to. All of my sexual interactions are made by appointment at my personal office. Every person who wishes to be blessed with my scepter must fill out a sort of résumé and wait for screening. However, seeing as you took the time to send me such a grammatically correct and intelligently worded E-mail, I can have my secretary pencil you in for some time in the next two weeks. (right after I "pencil" her in, if you catch my drift) However, seeing as you are just a model and not a "supermodel" you may not be hot enough to meet my standards.

I believe the main reason so many women want me is because of my amazing sexual prowess. Such as my ability to make women orgasm just by looking into their eyes. However, the orgasms I cause from direct intercourse are enough to make a person explode, and I'm not talking metaphorically. It's kind of like when Gallagher smashes those watermelons on stage because he isn't funny enough to write jokes. That's why there's a death waiver in the fine print of the agreement I make all of the women sign. Also, I am so well endowed that the sheer mass of my member causes a gravitational force that attracts women directly towards my one eyed yogurt slinger. Or maybe they just love my hair, I haven't really figured that out yet.