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Trevor: What is the meaning of life?

Shit, I knew this would come up at some time or another... Alright smart ass, here's your answer: life is what you want it to mean. No wait, thats not it... yeah, I was kidding there, the real meaning of life is...is...dammit, give me a second here.

Okay, I've got it . Get out a pen and a pad, and prepare to write. "If an egg came before a chicken in a forest, and nobody was there to see it, would it make the sound of one hand clapping?" Now divide that by zero. Well, the thing is, some of you who have typed that into your calculators may get an answer such as "ERROR: DIVIDE BY 0". Well, there is no need to fret. The reason you received that answer is because your calculator is stupid and inferior. If they ever make a calculator that could possibly handle the answer, the answer would be so infinitely long that the world's energy sources would be drained powering the calculator, thus plunging the world into the apocalypse (without the cool explosions-hurricanes-world war three-Jesus thing).
So, instead of finding out the answer for yourself, just be content in knowing that I have the answer in my head. Don't try and Google that shit either, because it will just give you links to porn sites. Keep in mind, no philosopher who has or will exist will ever come close to figuring this out. Plato? More like sniveling bacterium. Aristotle? C'mon, you would seriously believe a guy who wears a dress? Soren Kierkegaard? I bet that name means "mentally inept primate" in Danish. Confucius? Nettis say "man who write shitty riddle is shitty person. Lucky number 12, 16, 35, 58, 61."
Compared to me, these men are merely monkeys clicking away on typewriters trying to re-write the script for that Seinfeld episode where Jerry rants about an inconvenience in society and George responds by yelling an SAT word while Kramer self-implodes and Elaine grabs a Snapple from the fridge.

You know, now that I think about it, the meaning of life is to have sex with a supermodel or something like that.